“Bismillah (In the name of God)”
If you’re not in light you are in darkness.
How do you know you are in darkness?
You are in darkness when only negative thoughts come to your mind.
Many years ago, I was very sick, I couldn’t sit for more than five minutes, I couldn’t walk straight and sometimes I would lose control of my body. Tears would stream down my face, I would lay on my back unable to move, I would babble instead of talking and I was also very forgetful. I felt very miserable, I was in a bad place. I felt like I was living in darkness. There were days that I knew it was a sunny day and daytime yet; I couldn’t see clearly. It felt like there was a cloud over my eyes partially blocking my vision. I visited many doctors and got no help, diagnosis or explanation. I used to feel angry, afraid and frustrated. In addition to illness, I think these feelings had a lot to do with the darkness that surrounded me.
Why was I feeling like that?
Anger- I was angry at the doctors because after so many years of visiting numerous doctors I couldn’t believe none of them could make a diagnosis or offer me a solution. In fact, I felt like a few of the doctors did not believe me.
Fear- I was afraid that I was going to spend the rest of my life in bed unable to help myself or my family.
Frustration/ despair- Well I put frustration and despair together because it was hard for me to feel hopeful then. Looking at me, you wouldn’t think that I was sick. I heard the word lazy many times. No one believed that I was in so much pain because I was not crying nor complaining. I worked slowly and got frustrated when I couldn’t do things or think.
Finally, my father took me to see a doctor that was recommended to him. After a series of test, she concluded that I suffered a mild stroke and needed therapy and rehabilitation. I wish I could say that I lived happily ever after. I still had some challenges but at least I had an answer. My main concern was getting out of the darkness that had taken a hold over me. I kept on working with my medical issues and after two years, I was able to function.
Although I have gotten better, I still felt anger, fear, frustration, and hopelessness. Because, after losing so much time I had to start over. I had forgotten how to do a lot of things and I didn’t have a clear picture as to how I was going to be independent. So, I prayed to God for help and guidance. I found this prayer and I recited it every day and I think it helped me to cope with my situation.
Saint Francis of Assisi Prayer
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.
O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Amen.
Many years later, I converted into Islam to continue my spiritual journey. However, I felt like I was missing true joy in my life, and I didn’t know how to get it. So, I prayed to God for help. The following week, a YouTube video was suggested in my messages. I watched it and decided to start a new morning routine the following day.
1. As soon as I woke up, I washed myself and prayed.
2. I read the Quran.
3. I cleared my heart from anger.
4.I forgave all the medical professionals who could not help me.
5. I stopped myself from holding a grudge any of them.
6. I sent blessings to all the people who helped me.
I would say about two weeks into this practice I saw and felt a difference in my mood and behavior. As I continued my morning routine, I became a calm, happy and confident person. Honestly, people are surprised when I get angry.
Here’s the prayer that was suggested to me when I needed light.
Prophet Muhammad’s(PBUH) Prayer of Light
O Allah (God), place light in my heart,
and on my tongue light,
and in my ears light and in my sight light,
and above me light, and below me light,
and to my right light, and to my left light,
and before me light and behind me light.
Place in my soul light.
Magnify for me light and amplify for me light.
Make for me light and make me light.
O Allah (God), grant me light,
and place light in my nerves, and in my body light
and in my blood light and in my hair light
and in my skin light.
[O Allah, (God) make for me a light in my grave…
and a light in my bones.] [2]
[Increase me in light,
increase me in light,
increase me in light.]
[Grant me light upon light]
“O men! A proof has come to you from your Lord, and We have sent down unto you a clear light.” (Surah 4:174)
If you don’t mind, can you share with me, how you get yourself out the dark or in the grasp of despair and depression? If you don’t have a system, give mine a chance and share your experiences with me.